What’s lurking in the shadows? Dinosaurs? Bears?! Monsters?!?!
What’s lurking in the shadows? Dinosaurs? Bears?! Monsters?!?!
I received this in the mail!
Basic nuclear genome sequencing: 30 credits – you provide the DNA, and we do the rest! HeliKnow will record your complete genome sequence, the unique pattern of A-T-C-G that makes you you. Our high-throughput DNA sequencing technology yields rapid, confident, and confidential results for less than zero-zero-zero-zero-zero-zero-zero-one credits per nucleotide. What a bargain!
Notice: to provide optimal service, HeliKnow only analyzes blood samples. Cheek swabs are unacceptable.
Gold package: 60 credits – our most popular package! Your genome is egregiously confusing. Luckily, we speak DNA-glish! Trained HeliKnow technicians will interpret your genes in a layman-friendly report that includes:
2) Major phenotypes
3) Health risks
4) Terminal genetic disorders
Remember, unlike our competitors, HeliKnow respects client confidentiality.
Notice: technicians are not prophets. Please purchase our fate package to foresee your death.
Fate package: 1000 credits – palm readers are charlatans. Only DNA can speak to fate. Deus Helix has hidden messages in every double helix that writhes inside your body. Using proprietary bioinformatics analyses and rituals, HeliKnow prophets will scry your destiny. Ask, and ye shall receive. Common questions include:
1) Will I be powerful?
2) Will I be rich?
3) Will I fall in love?
4) Will my lover betray me?
5) What are my lucky numbers?
6) Why do we suffer?
7) Are you sure that’s the right answer?
8) How horrible. It’s not fair. Why?
Remember: your fate is confidential! At HeliKnow, data mismanagement is punishable by absolute termination.
Optional fate package “expiration” feature: 500 credits – you are going to die, and we can tell you all about it during your session with our prophets. Learn where, when, how, and why you will perish.
Notice: a one liter blood tribute is necessary to scry your death.
Platinum package: 10,000 credits – defy fate. HeliKnow can improve your genome with proprietary mutagenic and viral vector technology. Erase the dark portends written in your genes and replace them with wealth or love. Stop aging; our technicians can lengthen telomeres, strengthening body and mind.
Notice: you cannot outrun death forever. Deus Helix is an author, and we are all imperfect drafts of Its masterpiece. With every generation, inheritance and mutations draw us closer to perfection. But countless speciation events separate Homo sapiens from immortality. No human will survive this universe.
Indeed, no human will survive this millennium.
Volunteer opportunities: stop being human. Our great prophet sings the sacred Deus Helix genome. Once she finishes reciting Its glorious sequence, we need volunteers. From egg donors to biochemists: come one, come all, and help clone Deus Helix. A lucky few will be transformed, their bodies enhanced with demigod genes. Your sacrifices ensure the betterment of humankind. Don’t miss out! The great prophet may complete her recitation this very hour!
Notice: volunteers work pro bono, but HeliKnow will compensate volunteer families for funeral expenses, when necessary.
Church of Deus Helix: free and priceless – join our congregation. Worship with us. Listen to the great prophet sing Its genome. Spill your helices upon the red altar. Evolve!
Notice: all congregants must sign a confidentiality agreement.
Thank you for choosing HeliKnow for your genome sequencing needs!
Maybe I should apply to HeliKnow after I graduate. Their benefits seem very cool.
(This is a piece of fiction.)
Hello friends! As a scary person, I often share my paranormal experiences online. Here’s the latest, originally posted on twitter:
Once, with Ouija board and planchette, I asked the ghosts, “What is it like?” They said to me, “We’ll show you. Turn off the lights.” So …
I waited in silence. Minutes passed. One, five, ten. Thirty. “Nothing,” I said. “I don’t hear anything. I don’t see anything.”
The planchette slid across the board. “Exactly,” spelled the ghosts. And they never spoke to me again. Goodnight, Twitter.
True story. Aren’t they all? 😉
Bregga, Action!Faatin, and Vars’s face are on the cover of Shining Ascension Issue #1, designed and painted by Nick Robles. Like the title says, there’s a lot to love about this art, but my favorite thing has to be Faatin’s smile. You can really see how she and Bregga have different personalities, but she always has Bregga’s back!
It’s been a joy to work with Nick, who is as professional as he is skilled. I can’t wait to see what he does next!
My next comic-related post will be less art, more information. What is this comic book project? What can you expect? What does “Shining Ascension” mean anyway? You’ll also hear from T. Hueston, the person who said, “There needs to be more kickass POC women in comics. Let’s make a comic book, Little Badger!” Yep, this project is Hueston’s baby – I’m along for the ride, haha.
Stay tuned! 😀
I’m excited to announce that Shining Ascension Issue #1 is (mostly) finished! Only the cover remains. As always, Nick has done beautiful work. I
Above: Sir Vars and Minister Mortikus play chess. They’re obviously party animals. By the way, I swear there’s a big fight scene in issue one. It’s not all chess. Not that I have anything against chess! I was in chess club during elementary school. 😀 Such fun.
T. Hueston and I plan to complete the 1st Shining Ascension story arc over five additional comic books. I’m writing my dissertation this year (yay science), so we’ll continue working on SA in 2016. Here’s my question: should we wait a year to release Issue 1? Or should we provide the comic book (free PDF) immediately? It’s something to consider. If you have any suggestions, comment below, or contact me on Twitter … https://twitter.com/ShiningComic
My Lipan Apache ghost story appeared in Strange Horizons this week. I’m incredibly honored! If you like fantasy and science fiction, check out Strange Horizons. It’s a weekly zine that’s accessible online and in podcast form. I started reading SH as a teenage Little Badger, and its fiction, reviews, and poetry have expanded my imagination and introduced me to many wonderful writers over the years. Continue reading
Behold, the first color concept art of Sir Bregga Laydon and her massive sword, by the exceptional Nick Robles!
In the upcoming Shining Ascension comic book series, one encounter with the strange divine pulls Bregga into a world of danger, intrigue, and adventure. Can she survive?