HeliKnow Services Pamphlet

I received this in the mail!

Basic nuclear genome sequencing: 30 credits – you provide the DNA, and we do the rest! HeliKnow will record your complete genome sequence, the unique pattern of A-T-C-G that makes you you. Our high-throughput DNA sequencing technology yields rapid, confident, and confidential results for less than zero-zero-zero-zero-zero-zero-zero-one credits per nucleotide. What a bargain!

Notice: to provide optimal service, HeliKnow only analyzes blood samples. Cheek swabs are unacceptable.

Gold package: 60 credits – our most popular package! Your genome is egregiously confusing. Luckily, we speak DNA-glish! Trained HeliKnow technicians will interpret your genes in a layman-friendly report that includes:

1)  Ancestry

2)  Major phenotypes

3)  Health risks

4)  Terminal genetic disorders

Remember, unlike our competitors, HeliKnow respects client confidentiality.

Notice: technicians are not prophets. Please purchase our fate package to foresee your death.

Fate package: 1000 creditspalm readers are charlatans. Only DNA can speak to fate. Deus Helix has hidden messages in every double helix that writhes inside your body. Using proprietary bioinformatics analyses and rituals, HeliKnow prophets will scry your destiny. Ask, and ye shall receive. Common questions include:

1)  Will I be powerful?

2)  Will I be rich?

3)  Will I fall in love?

4)  Will my lover betray me?

5)  What are my lucky numbers?

6)  Why do we suffer?

7)  Are you sure that’s the right answer?

8)  How horrible. It’s not fair. Why?  

Remember: your fate is confidential! At HeliKnow, data mismanagement is punishable by absolute termination.

Optional fate package “expiration” feature: 500 credits you are going to die, and we can tell you all about it during your session with our prophets. Learn where, when, how, and why you will perish.

Notice: a one liter blood tribute is necessary to scry your death.

Platinum package: 10,000 credits – defy fate. HeliKnow can improve your genome with proprietary mutagenic and viral vector technology. Erase the dark portends written in your genes and replace them with wealth or love. Stop aging; our technicians can lengthen telomeres, strengthening body and mind.

Notice: you cannot outrun death forever. Deus Helix is an author, and we are all imperfect drafts of Its masterpiece. With every generation, inheritance and mutations draw us closer to perfection. But countless speciation events separate Homo sapiens from immortality. No human will survive this universe.

Indeed, no human will survive this millennium.

Volunteer opportunities: stop being human. Our great prophet sings the sacred Deus Helix genome. Once she finishes reciting Its glorious sequence, we need volunteers. From egg donors to biochemists: come one, come all, and help clone Deus Helix. A lucky few will be transformed, their bodies enhanced with demigod genes. Your sacrifices ensure the betterment of humankind. Don’t miss out! The great prophet may complete her recitation this very hour!

Notice: volunteers work pro bono, but HeliKnow will compensate volunteer families for funeral expenses, when necessary.

Church of Deus Helix: free and priceless – join our congregation. Worship with us. Listen to the great prophet sing Its genome. Spill your helices upon the red altar. Evolve!

Notice: all congregants must sign a confidentiality agreement.

Thank you for choosing HeliKnow for your genome sequencing needs!

Maybe I should apply to HeliKnow after I graduate. Their benefits seem very cool.

(This is a piece of fiction.)

A Ghost Story (in three tweets)

Hello friends! As a scary person, I often share my paranormal experiences online. Here’s the latest, originally posted on twitter:

Once, with Ouija board and planchette, I asked the ghosts, “What is it like?” They said to me, “We’ll show you. Turn off the lights.” So …

I waited in silence. Minutes passed. One, five, ten. Thirty. “Nothing,” I said. “I don’t hear anything. I don’t see anything.”

The planchette slid across the board. “Exactly,” spelled the ghosts. And they never spoke to me again. Goodnight, Twitter.

True story. Aren’t they all? 😉

 

New Short Story in Quantum Fairy Tales: “The Sea Under Texas” (I write cheery urban fantasy … sometimes)

Ezzy pushed a roll of twenties across the tabletop. “I’m fed up with the conquistador,” he said.

“Huh? What?” Luciana peeked over the newspaper she’d been skimming. Her eyes widened behind a pair of heavy glasses. “Dude! Who brings that much cash into a Denny’s? Put it away! Madre de dios! What’s wrong with you?” She dropped a sticky napkin over the money. They weren’t in McAllen’s worst neighborhood, but Luci erred on the side of caution ever since a pickpocket stole her wallet. The thief made off with two credit cards and a “Buy Ten, Get One Free” coupon for Café Maria. Luci had been one small black coffee away from a complementary latte. The loss nearly broke her heart.

“What’s wrong with me?” Ezzy asked. “I’m fed up with—”

“The conquistador. Right. So? He’s been a pain since the sixteenth century. And what does that guy have to do with…?” She gestured at the small fortune.

“It’s payment for…” He pantomimed stabbing somebody.


So begins “The Sea Under Texas,” an fantasy adventure in the Rio Grande Valley. Read the whole story in Quantum Fairy Tales Issue #11 (http://quantumfairytales.com/). If you like it, I will love you forever, and if you don’t like it, I will love that you gave it a shot.

READ HERE: The Sea Under Texas

Bison_McAllen

ABOVE: A pair of bison in McAllen, TX. They aren’t wild … it’s a long story. Fun fact = I took this photo in 2012. Since then, a fuzzy calf has joined the family! There are no bison in “The Sea Under Texas.” I just wanted a cute picture for this post.

Shining Ascension Cover Art – Faatin’s Smile is My Favorite Thing

Shining Ascension_1_Cover

Bregga, Action!Faatin, and Vars’s face are on the cover of Shining Ascension Issue #1, designed and painted by Nick Robles. Like the title says, there’s a lot to love about this art, but my favorite thing has to be Faatin’s smile. You can really see how she and Bregga have different personalities, but she always has Bregga’s back!

It’s been a joy to work with Nick, who is as professional as he is skilled. I can’t wait to see what he does next!

My next comic-related post will be less art, more information. What is this comic book project? What can you expect? What does “Shining Ascension” mean anyway? You’ll also hear from T. Hueston, the person who said, “There needs to be more kickass POC women in comics. Let’s make a comic book, Little Badger!” Yep, this project is Hueston’s baby – I’m along for the ride, haha.

Stay tuned! 😀