Wowie! It’s been a long time since my last blog post. There’s a good reason for that. A couple months ago, a friend of my great uncle sent me a teapot. It had a cryptic note in it, so I assumed that it was cursed, because people are weirdly enigmatic around cursed artifacts. Anyway, I barely know the guy (heck, I barely know my great uncle!), and I had every reason to mistrust the teapot, but I ignored common sense and used it to brew tea anyway. That was probably a bad idea, because the teapot’s whistle sounded like a tormented scream, which bothered my neighbors. After a few pots of jasmine green, I started having spooky visions. Instead of telling literally anybody that I needed help (spooky visions are never healthy, ok?), I just allowed the teapot to torment me, read the cryptic message again and again and again, and drank more tea.
Eventually, I called my great uncle’s friend, because his name is in some phone book, but the number had been disconnected, so I dropped that line of inquiry immediately. As the visions intensified, a complete stranger emailed me. The stranger explained that the only way to rid myself of its curse was to stop drinking tea from the haunted teapot. Thus cured, I washed the teapot, put the cryptic note back inside it, and donated it to an antique store to continue the cycle of spookiness.
I’m glad all that strangeness is over!